I'm not so good with slang-Spanish, and I'm sure I have misunderstood some idioms, but this is roughly what the captions in the photo below mean:

Hello, my dear! I just arrived, don't you know, an old man said something about how in the future we are going to communicate by using little tiny things to speak and write.

To go talking smack certain you did not buy rubber panties

Hahaha, I swear that I would have caught that old man, and killed the shit out of him with a stick, I don't do it because they say that it is not legal.

You shit however you want we don't have have children you spend it with the magic cube

But Greta, you too do many stupid things.

Why don't you massage one of my heels?

The novellas that you hear on the radio have little truth.

I'm sick of you, Carlos Javier. I'm going home forever!

Before you were fucked because mom would not stop breaking your balls, now you are fucked because you have that supposedly upset stomach and you fart.

It is true, and at work I bring 3 pairs of underpants so I can change.

Listen, this guy said that there was a type of technology that comes down through antennas that occupy cell-shaped areas, then mind control...