Sinners Repent!

Everyone is a sinner, and therefore everyone is going to Hell. The only road to salvation is through penitence, self-flagellation, remorse and guilt. The pace of modern society, however, rarely affords us time to even step out of our SUVs, let alone perform lengthy acts of contrition. Despite this, there is no need for you to burn eternally in the fires of damnation. Due to recent advances in technology, software can perform your perdition for you. All you need to do is visit

www.orpheansculptures.com/Sinners

and enter your sin. The software-robot monks will then pray for your soul, thus atoning for your sins and ensuring your salvation.